PLEASE READ THESE TERMS:
STEPH MADAMBA Thursday, December 04, 2008
DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS FROM ME, LOTS OF REVELATIONS HERE. (something inside me hopes you read this, but my shame hopes you wouldn't)
What would we be talking about anyway? hahah. Philip was there, so kwela sobra. haha, until it was brought up that Ms. Tana is into her newly found hobby, card reading (tarot cards!) EXCITING!!!!! hahaha. We chose the separation/reunion spread. I went first. Those of you who really know must know who I was thinking about.. RIGHT? tell me you do.. Yes, it's him.
I laid down the cards of my choice on where they were supposed to be placed and she began reading them. (may kodigo pa si Ms. kc di pa nya maxado kabisado).
WHAT I FELT DURING THE SEPARATION: The cards "said" that I was having a feeling of obsession and holding on to it although we were already separating.. Hmmm, then I thought, was that how I felt or how I acted that time? It's been what, almost two years now? Although we weren't "really together", there was definitely something there. Don't know how we are called, but we are. Then I realized that what the cards meant were right. I was the one who changed minds after deciding we weren't going to be, I called (made him call actually) on the day of the flight to reverse everything that I've done. We're not together because of me. I hoped I could change it, and I was actually hoping he'd accept it, but I was wrong. At the end of it, when he told me he thought it still won't work, I still held on. It's been a while now but I guess whether I accept it or not, I am still holding on, hoping that someday, maybe someday.. It's really like an obsession, he's my drug.
WHAT I AM HOPING FOR THE REUNION: the cards read that I am still waiting, maybe not totally, but something inside is.. maybe it's because I want to know what would be if it did..
WHAT HE IS HOPING FOR THE REUNION: (this is sad for me) he is just giving it all to fate. He's not going to do anything, "if it will happen, then it will"
--> shux, do you guys get what this is telling me? para kaming mga tanga until now, nagiintayan lang pareho, both not wanting to do something about it. We're both slower than the slowest turtle that ever existed in the planet!
WHAT I FEAR ON THE REUNION: i don't quite remember this part. parang sabi niya, I was fearing truth (something like that) I didn't dwell too much on this.. It also said something like ending the chase..
WHAT HE FEARS ON THE REUNION: This I'm sure to remember.. He fears confrontation. It's like not wanting to hear it all out in the open.
--> god, so true! On my part, that is
WHAT THE REUNION WILL BE LIKE: it read na parang it will be not anytime near, maybe sometime later pa.. there will be some changes to our lives (the two of us) and it will be for the better.
OTHERS: there was something there in the reading that said I had to give up something for it to work! OHMIGOSH. It's like it's all coming back again. This happened before, I felt that I had to give up something for it to work. and I did, but still, maybe fate was against us and that was just not the right time for us. Sabi pa dun, maybe I also have problems that hinder it. I was having a "standard" daw and I own up to it. It's true. Ever since, I've had this standard on how things should work out, like everything should be done the right way and if not, it won't be considered. Kumbaga, Out na if not in that range.
Grabe, so sad ng buong reading sakin. It's like the happy ending is too far away from reach. I can't see a clearing in the sunless forest. Still lost. For the longest time, still lost. Am I doing it all wrong? Should I make the move? But how? Why? Isn't it too late now? Para naman akong sira if all of a sudden, nagparamdam ako. Hmm, this is so frustating all over again. I haven't been thinking about it na for the longest time now, but here I go again. It's like going to that unfamiliar place and trying to find ways to go home to that place you feel secured and not frightened.
For those who know this story of mine and him, what do you think?