credits
ME. kynzgerl
CODES. SHOTGUN
BRUSHES. 1 2 3 4
IMAGES. 1 2

today was a first for me in music studio na karaoke.. i went with friends like cla alma, khris, jing, henzel and pol.. grabe.. nagcut pa kmi ni henz ng philfor just to go videoke.. hahaha.. sobrang fun! i sang like a lot! lalo na si pol! namakyaw ata! just came from there nga lng eh.. may class na sila whereas for me, i have time to hit the pc. first that i sang was 'the gift'. that song is really one special song! i sang that first in april and jon's wedding with jona.. gets na why special? xa kc un eh.. everything i do with him is special. or should i say used to be.. oh well, ganyan ata tlga ang buhay.. parang life!


im tired of crying na.. baka kc ako lng eh.. nagsasayang lang ako ng oras! pero i still cant get it out of my system. lalo na the whole weekend. started last friday. he went to my house late in the evening which was also a first since he never spent just some free time in my place. it used to be just because of the prom or caroling with the choir. now that everything's over, parang senseless ang lahat! i can't even function normally..

starting yesterday, i was really feeling down. physically, mentally, socially and emotionally.. let me repeat that, emotionally! i really was! i dont know the exact reason or maybe i do but im not sure if it's the only reason: he is being cold to me.. he's giving me the cold shoulder... sobrang weird kc we never talked the whole day yesterday.. from 430 to 10 in the evening.. ayoko na.. i mean it's worse than him telling me that we are not gonna work.. him not talking to me is really worse than that.

today, mas malala! talagang wala akong nagawa for school. let's start with accounting. deadline today ng financial statements ng practise set and may homework. la ako ginawa. then 9am was my deadline to finish the scaf boards and booths for sc.otreas pero zero output from me. (sori otreas) at least nauna ko nang nagawa last week ung door hangers na layout, at least un di nadamay sa pagkadown ko) then, i have class in philfor ng 1250, la parin. nagcut ako.. now, free time sana to study for the exam later ng 330 for busorga class, la parin.. di man lang nagbuklat ng notebook!

see what a mess iv been without you?! hindi naman kita sinisisi ok? if ever you read this anytime in the future, im not blaming you at all.. i just have to get these emotions out. me being a mess with my work is not your working so don't feel blamed. (nasasaktan na nga ako, pinapangalagaan pa rin kita) i love you so much. i cant get my mind straight even just for studies. i thought going back to the choir would make you happy since you wanted this naman.. pero bakit uncomfortable ka? ang gulo mo naman.. well, im not leaving the choir for this issue again. i left once because of you, and it's never gona happen again. if il be leaving again in the future, il make sure it's not anymore because of you.

and one last thing.. bakit ikaw ang uncomfortable with the situation? dapat nga ako eh.. you dumped me remember?! grabe! you're really one hell of a creature you know that? you're such a first. hay! in time... in time, il get over you.. i wont even think about this day ever again..in time...

i went to school knowing that i look good. i put on make-up to cover the hurting face. i was not able to study, again, but now, i just didn't want to, i feel so down to even worry about studying. could you be thinking about me too? i miss those days wherein i didn't worry about boys cause you were always there. i wish it could be always and forever but forever is a tough one. Now, there's no more forever. Jenn saw me a while ago. she complimented my make-up but she said i couldn't carry it since i have very sad eyes. i can't do anything about that now right? i really am sad naman talaga eh. i couldn't hide it. well, i used to, but now i just can't. it's bursting out of me. i never thought it would end just like that. we were never in a relationship but there was something more than just a fling. i couldn't accept his reasons, it's just unacceptable. it has to be more than just a feeling that it wouldn't work out, i know something's bothering you but why can't you tell me? these sad eyes won't go away. for as long as i feel hurt, it will continue being sad..

title says it all.. i had a lot of fun this week and suddenly, one call will take all my smiles away.. every smile really entails another cry. maybe now, i have to think about it before i can give the heartiest smile iv always had. now, its just so hard. why can't it be just smiles. ung walang kapalit.. i feel that god has given you to me and now, he just took you back. i wasn't able to maximize the time.. being in love is one happy and very nice feeling pero sabi nga nila, kakambal din nito ang sakit.. it sucks..

im surely gonna miss the smile i used to have on my face.. hir are some pics this week.. im never gonna be able to have that smile so beaming when deep inside, it hurts so much..

..baby, my song for you.. heard this sa radio sa taxi kanina...

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In THE years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets
Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

**Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart,
is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts,
is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'CAUSE true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things
we'll wish we'd never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner though it rains
Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world
I'd make this last **

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll comfort you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

i wish i just didn't bring up the topic. i wish i could take it all back. i wish i could just go back years ago so that i could not have done what i had done. i wish i could just be that person to be beside you and not the girl behind, be the girl you also want to keep and not push away. i wish i could do everything and put things in place so that there will be no pain in our hearts. i wish i realized how blessed i am of you long ago. i wish i realized soon enough that you are the one for me. i wish i could just make you change your mind and let me show you how much i care and how much i love you.

there are many wishes to lengthen that list up but then, wishes will just remain wishes cause it's all over.. last night was the worst of my life. actually second. the first is when my auntie died.. your reasons are so vague. i just couldn't accept that. before you left, we had some things unfinished and we promised to talk about it when you get back but we didn't. wat's so painful was that you didn't even get to call me or even greet me nung birthday ko. iv given up a lot of things thinking that it will make you more comfortable. there was no question about that. i didn't think twice, when i realized how much i love you and want to work it out, there were no questions, i just did it. and now im asking myself, is it worth it?

it's so painful. just so painful. i never knew id be hurt like this now. i always said to myself that im never gonna allow myself to be so stupid and even cry for a guy. but you know what, i got that all wrong. once you've found that someone, everything's possible.. im hurting inside and out. and the worst thing is, even if he ended it, im not mad at him. im rather mad at myself. i talked to two of my friends about it just a while ago in school, sbi nla maybe he doesn't want me to be affected with what he's going on right now but then i want to be there.. he doesn't want me to carry that burden for him..but i want to. im happy to. and now, everything just doesn't make any sense.

lord help me. love is such a cliche. i need him and i know he needs me too but doesn't want to. he doesn't make me feel that he needs me.. and i hate it. maybe goodbye is the word for you now, but i hope it won't last that long. i'm not going anywhere. im just here.. i love you.. jona.....

yan kami ni greennie