Stephie.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

mygod! wat a day?! today is my first day here in tanjay and it started fast. toxic saw me and waved hi and then i saw "lord" or manolo. i began to wonder and thought of how i would picture myself seeing him.. and you know wat?! right that very moment, caloy and him turned right on our street and went past my house! the best part was that i was outside the gate sitting down! mygod! i acted as if i didn't see him and he did the same way. i know that he saw me, i know he did and so did caloy! i went to church and then after, i saw him again in rizal! mygod na tlga..we did not say hi to each other.. parang "urong-sulong". i went back home and after a while, we went back again. suguro kung nandun si dax, nakapagusap kami.. there is a big possibility since they're friends. pero i couldn't contact dax.. anyway, we went to buy ice cream. we were so close, just a couple of meters away, about 4-6 and yet he acted as if i didn't exist! i so hate the idea an feeling of it.. we sat down and i decided on calling him. when he answered the phone call at last after so many calls i've made, he didn't know who i was! mygod! then i asked him if he's not gonna talk to me or go to me and he acted as if i was in manila and he doesn't have a single clue that im here in tanjay very eager to see him... i walked approaching him and when he saw me, he started walking away and wanted to go home!!! what an attitude of him! it was not what i was expecting of him.. i thought he would be the guy i thought i already knew but i gess i was wrong.. after everything, he can't be the true him until the very last moment that would have something to do with me... it hurts that i see that im nobody fo rhim when he told me and assured me that he loved me and that im his life.. i thought we had something worth fighting for but what i saw was cowardice, and fear for truth..im beginning to hate myself more for always letting it go and think of other reasons to forgive hi but it seems nothing's changed. maybe he doesn't want me.. that's fine. ill live with it... i hate loving him after everything.. after all the hurts andpains... during mass, i prayed to god that i want his will be done regarding this.. is this it? are we not for each other???