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STEPH MADAMBA Saturday, August 06, 2005
aaaarrrggh! i dont know what i've been thinking of lately..bakit ganito? im sad and i dont know exactly why.. i saw ur account yesterday, i cant understand the feeling..nagseselos ba ako? who's c***? a**** pa ang tawagan ah? (see? i told u i seem to be nagseselos!) aaarrggh! palagi keo magkausap? when? after me? how? if kausap kita the whole time... i dont know what to think na..i dont even have the right which is exactly why i dont understand myself...i haven't even thought about me liking you..hindi ko naisip yon coz sabi ko nga, hindi pwede bcoz of j***.. ano ba to?! i cant even set my thoughts right na.. i enjoy ur company, yes i do..very much.. pero lately, something is wrong.. naisip ko nmn na baka it's just me..i should understand, malamang exams and i do pero y is it that i feel awkward na when we're talking? parang there's always something that comes between.. tapos kanina, i dropped by ur account agen and i felt worse..i saw another one..and so i wanted to know who she is, i dropped by her account nmn..yes, she's pretty..maybe u like her..it's obvious nmn sa mga sinabi mo dun about her..i saw that ur very fond of her..it hurts me and i dont like the feeling..what should i do? i should not even feel this way..wala lng naman tayong dalawa eh, we're just friends.. if that' s the case, then why does it hurt so much?! much worse is that, i cant even ask you about it..baka mapahiya lang ako..god do i hate this feeling! ang tanga ko talaga, i should have seen this coming but i refused on staying on to reality..hindi tayo pwede.. pero bakit nga ba ulit? i gave myself the reasons but now, i wish i just didn't give and set the reasons from the very beginning..hindi mo nmn alam un eh..ako lang..it's always been just me..i just felt on writing it here sa blog para malabas ko lng..also the place i know you'd not peek in to..what am i gonna do now? should i give space? un ba ang kailangan? hindi na nga tayo maxado naguusap eh..should i wait until matapos ang exams and see what would happen? or should i just let you go now before i feel worse? pano pag mali ako and it's just me that is getting histerical? i told you na kc before na wag kang magiging maxadong mabait sakin and sweet eh, lalo na at palagi mo akong pinapatawa..i told you not to because i know that sooner or later, may mangyayari..wat did i expect? u still did and now, i dont know what to do..my god steph! ano ba tong ginagawa mo?!i dont know kung gusto ko tong mabasa mo or not..actually, at this point, i dont really know now what i want and what i should do exactly..should i wait or act now? if i wait, maybe it would be too late and u get fond of her so much but if i act now, maybe i just had wrong assumptions..pakita ka nga ng signs..lord help me..heart? can u just stop beating for the same reason? kahit ngayon lng? nahihirapan lng ako..nahihirapan na talaga ako..hindi ako dpat magselos, hindi ako dapat magselos, hindi ako dapat magselos! hindi dapat! but i think i am..i am.. sweet015
